our kind of love
by Wez in Wonderland
Summary: Nick had thought for the longest time that he and Jeff were endgame, that they were going to end up together forever, but then he met her. Lynette's like a breath of fresh air. She's everything Jeff's not, and he finds himself falling in love with her. But then things take a turn for a worse and Nick's world crumbles to the ground because Lynette wasn't worth it. She never was.


Co-written with **Reality's Desire**, my lovely beta over on FF.

* * *

When Jeff finds out about Lynette, Nick expects him to get angry. He expects yelling and screaming – and maybe even some crying. Jeff's supposed to hate him for what he's done; he's not supposed to look at him with quiet resignation and that sad, little smile that breaks Nick's heart in more ways in one. But really, Nick shouldn't become so surprised. Jeff is not like him. He's kind and forgiving and everything Nick isn't. He's a million times the man Nick can only hope being.

"You and Lynette are cute together," Jeff tells him after he finds out. "You deserve someone who makes you happy."

If Nick will have been talking to anyone but Jeff, he would've thought that they were being sarcastic. But it is Jeff he's talking to, and Jeff sounds so genuine – so painfully honest – that Nick knows that he means every word of it, and it makes him feel every bit the horrible person he is. Jeff doesn't deserve being treated like this, doesn't deserve being cast aside. He deserves so much better. He deserves someone who is faithful, someone who can love him in all the ways Nick can't.

There's a difference between being in love with someone and just loving someone. Nick doesn't know when he stopped being in love with Jeff and just started loving him. What he once thought was true love became nothing but platonic affection. It's almost laughable. Nick had been thinking for the longest time that he and Jeff were endgame, that they were going to end up together forever, but then he met her.

The first time they meet, it's at the public library and Jeff is cramming for an exam he has the next day. He bumps into her by accident. She's a gorgeous girl, tall and slender, with long brown hair and delicate features. Her name is Lynette. She's a junior at Crawford Day, and she has a brother at Dalton. The more they talk, the more Nick wants to learn about her. He finds out that her favorite author is James Patterson and that she loves mint chocolate chip ice cream. She has a calico kitten named Tiger, and she plays soccer.

By the time they stop talking, it's almost curfew. Nick finds himself reluctant to leave. Lynette is like a fresh breath of air. She's everything Jeff isn't. She's witty and sarcastic and isn't afraid to disagree with Nick. She has her own likes and interests – not to say that Jeff doesn't, but this is different – and Nick loves it. Lynette's something new, uncharted territory Nick's dying to explore. So, he gives her his phone number and asks if she'd like to meet up again. She does, and it makes Nick's heart skip a beat. He thinks he's falling in love with her.

But now, almost three months later, Nick realizes that what he feels for Lynette isn't love. She's not the person he dreams about marrying or growing old is; it's someone else – someone he thought he fell out of love with. The person who's so close, yet so far away at the same time.

He and Jeff are standing outside Java Central, Jeff's favorite coffee shop. The irony of it all is almost laughable, Nick thinks humorlessly. This was the place where their relationship began, but now it'll only be remembered as the place where it ends. He can see Lynette staring at them through the window, watching them with worried eyes. Just the sight of her, the mistake, makes him sick. He clears his throat and looks back at Jeff, who's smiling sadly because he knows. Jeff always knows.

"I'm sorry, Jeff. I didn't mean for this happen," Nick whispers, his voice cracking with emotion. Emotions he doesn't have a right to feel, he thinks bitterly. "I didn't mean to hurt you." I didn't mean for you to find out. I thought I had it under control.

Because Jeff has always hated it when his best friend cries, he wraps his arms around Nick and pulls him into a hug. He makes soft, comforting sounds as Nick cries, rubbing circles into the small of his back like he used to when they were children.

"I didn't mean to," he sobs into Jeff's shoulder, his voice muffled. "I'm so sorry, Jeff. God, I'm sorry."

Jeff holds him close as he trembles and shakes, resting his chin on top of Nick's head. "I know, Nicky. I know," he murmurs softly, stroking Nick's hair. "It's alright; I forgive you."

Nick shakes his head and cries harder; he doesn't deserve being forgiven. He should have known that it was Jeff; it was always Jeff. That blond-haired, blue-eyed boy is the best thing that ever happened to him, but he won't be around for much longer. Jeff is strong, so much stronger than Nick is. He'll be gone before Nick knows it.

Nick doesn't know how they stand there; it feels like hours, but it might have been minutes. Inhaling shakily, he pulls away and tries to compose himself, wiping away the tears on his cheeks.

"Nick?" Lynette calls, lingering uncertainly a couple of feet away. "It's almost curfew; we need to get going if we don't want to go late."

Nick doesn't miss the way Jeff stiffens at the sound of her voice or how the muscles in his jaw clench. "I'm coming," he calls over his shoulder. He lets himself get lost in Jeff's beautiful blue eyes one last time before he turns to leave.

"Wait." Jeff pulls him into one last hug and presses a kiss against his forehead. Closure. "Goodbye, Nick."

It's last time they talk. Jeff requests a dorm change, but he has wait until the resident assistant can find an available room for him. So, he starts avoiding Nick as much as he can. Jeff stops coming to soccer practice – Coach Hughes tell them that he quit the team – and starts taking Theater. Jeff starts spending more time with Sebastian, and Nick knows that he's been replaced.

Sometimes, Nick catches Jeff staring at him from the corner of his eye when he thinks Nick isn't looking with a distant look in his eyes, and Nick wonders what Jeff's thinking about. Is he thinking about what they are or what they were? Does he regret dating Nick? Hundreds of questions swim through Nick's head, but he never asks. It's not his place. This is his fault after all. Nick should have never cheated on Jeff. Lynette isn't – wasn't, he reminds himself, they broke up a week after Jeff found out – worth it. She wasn't worth losing the trust of his friends or losing the most important person in his life; she wasn't worth any of it. Nick only wishes he realized it sooner.

"Jeff, please, please don't leave me."

"I'm sorry, Nicky but I just can't."

"Please, I'm sorry, please just don't leave me here. I… I love you."

Jeff just couldn't stop looking at Nick's pleading brown eyes. They were the same eyes that Jeff used to love. Nick's knees already hurt from the pain the wooden floor board underneath him are creating. Nick is just holding on to Jeff's hands, effectively yanking him down.

"Nick, please, Nick, let go. You're not making this easier for the both of us. Just let me go." Tears are trickling down his cheek as he's being pulled down.

"Then don't leave. You don't have to leave. Please, please, you don't have to. Please don't shut this door." Jeff's orders are ignored, and so are Nick's raining tears. "Give me another chance. I swear I'll do better next time. I promise I won't slip up again. Just please don't leave me. Please don't slam the door."

"Nick, just let me go. Now, my new roommate is waiting for me." Jeff tries to pry himself from Nick's vice.

Nick's heart is pumping harder and harder as the boy he's in love will not accept his love. His head is pounding. His face is so damp.

"No, I will never let you go. I made a mistake and I have to fix it."

"There's nothing to fix, Nicky," Jeff stops moving and Nick just looks at him, mouth agape, "I tried looking at it but there is no way getting us together again. And even if there is, we need time–…"

"Then give me time."

"From each other, Nick. We… I need time to think about all this. In the mean time, I think we should stop seeing each other and start seeing other people. That way, we can explore ourselves more and we wouldn't be cheating on each other. Besides, you can finally spend your time with Lynette without feeling guilty about cheating behind my back."

Jeff breathes deeply and Nick exhales air he didn't know he was holding. Nick keeps his mouth open.

"I want to spend my time with you, Jeffy."

"Stop. If you did, you wouldn't want to keep your tongue down Lynette's throat. Now, goodbye, Nick. I hope you and Lynette end up happy together. And please don't forget that I don't hate you, I still do love you."

"Jeff…" he whispers. "I'm sorry."

"Goodbye, Nicky."

Jeff closes the door and leaves. He heads to his new dorm. He enters the dorm he and Sebastian, who gladly agreed to share his dorm, share. He smiles at Sebastian and the feeling is mutual. Sebastian leaves to give Jeff his space to get used to the new feeling. He starts to walk over to Hunter's dorm when he sees Nick running over to his.

"Oh, Nick, I really do love you. Why did you have to do that?" Jeff thinks to himself.

He settles down on his bed and plugs in his iPod to his stereo and clicks on the shuffle button. A very appropriate and convenient song comes to his ears. Jeff lowers the volume and starts mumbling words.

Nick runs to Jeff's doorstep just when he hears the voice he fell in love with. Nick slides down the wall beside the door under the engraved number of 36— their number. He misses that angelic soft voice already.

_I'm coming out of my cage_  
_And I've been doing just fine_  
_Gotta gotta be down_  
_Because I want it all_

_It started out with a kiss_  
_How did it end up like this?_  
_It was only a kiss_  
_It was only a kiss_

_Now I'm falling asleep_  
_And she's calling a cab_  
_While he's having a smoke_  
_And she's taking a drag_

_Now they're going to bed_  
_And my stomach is sick_  
_And it's all in my head_

_But she's touching his chest now_  
_He takes off her dress now_  
_Let me go_

_And I just can't look its killing me_  
_And taking control_

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea_  
_Swimming through sick lullabies_  
_Choking on your alibis_

_But it's just the price I pay_  
_Destiny is calling me_  
_Open up my eager eyes_  
_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside_

_I never..._

_Oh, Jeff, I never really should have stopped loving you. I never should have left you. I hope you still love me. With all my heart, Jeff, I love you._

Suddenly, he feels the door beside him slide open and hears a soft and shaky voice whisper the only words that can melt his heart.

"I love you, too, Nicky."


End file.
